shit his dad says.

justin halpern has been around the nets with his his dad’s hilarious lines. like certain parents, his advice are peppered with excrement and intercourse,  which makes for some pretty eye-popping imagery.

my favourites:

“Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn’t invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that.” 10:40 AM Nov 4th, 2009 via web

“Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it.” 8:44 AM Nov 1st, 2009 via web

“YOU, a published writer?..Internet don’t count. Any asshole can throw shit up on there.” (Book On Sale Today!)

“I didn’t say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you look ugly.” 9:57 AM Mar 26th via web

“You seen my cell phone?…What’s it look like? Like two horses fucking. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone.” 10:44 AM May 3rd via

Pick your furniture like you pick a wife: It should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it.

Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.

im glad my mother doesnt read my blog.


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